


Fly on the Wall

by BC_Brynn



Series: Trust Your Nose [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: ANBU - Freeform, Humor, Multi, Tenzou Is So Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 03:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17911547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BC_Brynn/pseuds/BC_Brynn
Summary: Kakashi and Iruka are Kakashi-and-Iruka.Tenzou is traumatised. Genma is sleep-deprived and gleeful.





	Fly on the Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I updated TYN!
> 
> It’s a one-shot again. This happens somewhere around _Old Dog's Tricks_. Probably.
> 
> Warnings are, as per usual, in the end note.

Genma strode into the ANBU lounge, contemplating the wisdom of getting drunk during yellow alert. On one hand, there was the potential for a giant clusterfuck if shit hit the fan while he was off his face; on the other hand, there was the chance that he’d maybe, finally, manage a few continuous hours of sleep.

His dilemma was promptly forgotten when he spotted a fellow ANBU in a worse state than himself. He did have field-medic qualifications, but this looked serious enough for a proper iryounin.

“Are you having a stroke?” he inquired.

“I… It’s… s-sempai…” Tenzou mumbled, dead-eyed. He covered his face with his hands.

Genma smirked. He hopped onto the nearest sofa and stretched, pillowing his head on his forearms. “Godaime Kakashi. Now there’s an apocalyptic scenario.” The chaos. The constant late arrivals that would drive foreign ambassadors to declaring wars, the amount of bullshit-shovelling at the highest levels suddenly multiplying… the Daimyo might commit seppuku if Konoha re-shaped itself in Kakashi’s image.

Kakashi of the Sharingan, Friend-Killer Kakashi, Stone Cold Bitch Kakashi – Kakashi the Menace. Quite possibly the best shinobi Genma had ever worked with, but conversely also unquestionably the biggest pain in the arse.

Tenzou let his hands down an inch, so he could glare over the top of his fingertips. “That’s not true, Dragonfly-san.”

He looked so reproachful that it sent Genma into an honest-to-kami giggle-fit (he was _so_ sleep-deprived).

Which, in turn, made Tenzou glare at him even more. “Sempai would be an excellent Hokage,” he protested, honestly offended on Kakashi’s behalf.

“It’s more like _Iruka_ would be an excellent Hokage,” said Porcupine, ghosting through the door from the direction of the lockers in full ANBU regalia, with Cat sauntering after him. He took a seat in the armchair under the air vent and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “With Kakashi as his sock-puppet.”

Tenzou’s indignation-pale cheeks went bright red.

Genma felt like he might rupture something, suppressing the giggles. Still, he managed to keep a straight face as he said: “I’m never going to be able to hear ‘sock-puppet’ again without thinking of this.”

“You’re all awful,” Tenzou complained woodenly.

Hah, get it? _Woodenly_.

“If you wanted sympathy, you shouldn’t have sat down in _the ANBU lounge_ , Lynx,” snarked Cat, sitting sideways in the armchair next to Porcupine’s, putting her feet into his lap and glaring at the cigarette in his hand – cannabis, by the smell. “That shit will kill you. I don’t want to be a widow.”

He coughed. “Actually, it’s supposed to be helping…?”

“Bake it into cookies, then,” she muttered. “Don’t fuck up your lungs even worse.”

“You should give some to Tenzou,” Genma suggested, clenching his teeth on his senbon to prevent the sniggers from bubbling up again. “He looks like he needs it.”

“What happened to you?” Cat asked of Tenzou, who seemed to be contemplating putting on his mask to protect what little dignity he had left.

He gave her the thousand-yard-stare of a war veteran (which, paradoxically, he did not really have on a normal day, despite what Genma suspected was a childhood spent in Konoha’s own little slice of hell). “I had guard duty at the Tower. Kakashi-sempai… I mean, Hokage-sama… was…” He fell silent in second-hand embarrassment.

“Was what?” Cat asked, intrigued. Kakashi-stories were the craziest stories (with the possible exception of some Anko-stories).

Tenzou groaned and re-buried his face in his hands.

Genma rolled his eyes. “Kakashi was having a _conference_ with Iruka in the Office, and Tenzou ended up watching a little demonstration of the bees and the bees, with bonus reenactment of this one scene from-”

Porcupine cut him off with a terrible coughing fit.

“Holy thunder, really?!” Cat exclaimed. “ _Iruka_?”

“Is this actually news to anyone?” Genma inquired, faking disappointment in his colleagues. When, in fact, he had found out _yesterday_. He was still pissed about that, more so because it didn’t seem like it was a new thing.

He had been completely blindsided, the way only Kakashi could blindside someone.

Most people weren’t even aware that Kakashi and Iruka knew one another outside the occasional professional interaction at the Missions Desk; Genma had the advantage there. More than a decade ago, ANBU Hound had asked ANBU Dragonfly to inform one Academy student in case Hound died on a mission, because there was no official channel through which the information would pass. That had made perfect sense to Genma – two grieving orphans alone in the world in the wake of the Kyuubi attack latched onto one another. Why not? It beat being completely alone.

But they seemed to have grown apart in the years since. No one ever saw them so much as exchange small talk. The last two times _Dragonfly_ informed Iruka that Kakashi was dead, Iruka had just shrugged, thanked him and wished him a nice day.

“No, obviously we knew,” Tenzou said – unaware of the sudden hush, and the three pairs of eyes narrowing at him. “I just never expected – or wanted to – see sempai like _that_! No consideration for the work environment of his subordinates…” He grimaced.

Genma should have included that whole last sentence among Kakashi’s nicknames. Only the ‘subordinates’ wasn’t quite sufficiently encompassing. Maybe ‘anybody’ would come closer to the truth.

“Well, _I_ wouldn’t mind seeing more of Kakashi-”

“Really, Claws?” Porcupine protested weakly.

“Tenzou might be the _only one_ in this village who _doesn’t_ want to see more of Kakashi,” Genma agreed. “If nothing else, most people at least want to know what his face looks like under the mask.”

“Um.”

“Oh,” Genma muttered, noticing Tenzou’s shifty expression. “You _have_ seen his face.”

“Oh, come on! That’s not fair!” grumbled Porcupine.

“What’s he look like?” demanded Cat. “Is he hideous? Disfigured? Does the scar go all the way down? What about his _teeth_? Gap? Bunny? Does he have really terrible acne?”

“He’s got to have really terrible tan lines, at least,” theorised Porcupine.

“Does he, though?” wondered Genma.

Cat arranged her fingers around the hole of her mask to suggest how much of Kakashi’s face was usually exposed to the sun. “Like, a tanned triangle around one eye-”

“Wait,” Porcupine interrupted her, “where did Lynx go?”

Genma pouted at the empty chair where Kakashi’s favourite ( _second_ favourite, apparently, and wasn’t that a kick in the head) kouhai had been sitting a moment ago. Well, the speed and the ability to disappear within the blink of an eye were definitely learnt from Kakashi.

Being an object of envy and a cause of frustration were obviously also Kakashi-inspired traits.

Maybe, Genma mused, maybe he should be less of a dick to the guy. Tenzou had unexpected depths, beyond being a rule-abiding, command-structure-respecting automaton. On the other hand, why play it safe?

Besides, it wasn’t like Tenzou could ever stay properly pissed at anyone. He was too apathetic.

…or was he? Could it be that he was secretly tallying everybody’s dick moves, and then, out of blue, the reckoning would come?

Now, if Genma really felt suicidal, he’d go and poke at _Iruka_ to dig up some delicious and profitable dirt.

…ah, perhaps one day.

Right now it felt more prudent to see if there were any relaxing A-rank missions to pick up, because he needed to get away before the fantasy about the Acting Hokage and his aide that Cat was whispering into Porcupine’s ear progressed any further, and someone was convinced to roleplay.

“…Hokage- _samaaa-ah_ …”

Possibly him. Possibly in the role of the Hokage’s poor, beleaguered, unwilling voyeur of a guard.

“Later,” he muttered to his two comrades, who didn’t seem to even notice him leaving in the midst of pre-gaming for their mission.

Genma needed to get away from all these lovey-dovey people before he caught something embarrassing simply by proximity.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: sexual situations, mentioned involuntary voyeurism


End file.
